Tiny Bursts of Inspiration

Hey there bloggers, anyone there? I can hardly blame you if you're not, I definitely haven't been present for quite a while. Not cool, you may say? I totes agree! I will work on making more time for this, because it honestly saves my life sometimes. Remember how in my very first blog post I told you that I am a complete night owl? Case in point, it is 2:30 in the morning and I am on the couch writing and watching You've Got Mail. If you know me at all, you probably know of my completely inappropriate age gap crush on Tom Hanks. What can I say? Sometimes a girl can't help it!
Lately I've been having an increasingly inspired view of the world. As I look around this beautiful place that we get to call home for however long this life grants us, I am always amazed and often inspired by the simplests of snapshots. You know how when you were little, as you walked outside promising not to step on a crack in the concrete, fearing that some awful malady would strike your mom's back at any moment? Have you ever noticed that in between the cracks of the concrete sometimes grass can grow? Against all odds, these sprigs of grass have worked to adapt and flourish where no one thought they could. Maybe I noticed that to remind me that we really do control our own success. The best thing you can do with the doubt of others is turn it into ambition to realize strenght in yourself that you didn't know was there.
I made a memo note in my cell phone a few weeks ago to remind me to write something titled "I would rather talk to a piece of paper." The funny thing about it is that the blog may never get written because I postponed and lost it. Lost the inspiration and lost the idea of what I intended to write about. I am assuming I was probably having a hard day, sick of people and their constant cynicism. Their selfishness, shallowness, and unperfectness. On this particular night, I would have rather been talking to a piece of paper, craving it's blank openness and it's infinite ability to recieve without taking. However, apparently I would have rather been sleeping because I went to bed without writing what I knew needed to be written down. Finding this note in my phone a few days ago reminded me to follow my instincts. If it was important enough to put a memo in my phone, shouldn't I have just written it while it was on my heart? Follow your heart, Sarah. Your spirit knows you better than your mind does.
As I learn these seemingly small lessons and take in these tiny bursts of inspiration, I am realizing that these are the things that matter. Take a note of every lesson you learn. Write it down, put it in your pocket, because your mind will eventually push it aside to make room for something new. Everything that enters your life, comes for a reason. I noticed the grass that day for a reason, wrote that memo in my phone for a reason. Is this making sense? If it's not, my apoligies. It's three in the morning and I'm on a Tom Hanks high.
Good night, friend. Thanks for listening.

With Love,
Sarah

Girls That Have My Heart

It's days like this that have me convinced I'm one of the luckiest girls in the world. What have I done, you might ask? Not a whole lot. I got to enjoy the beautiful wonder that is sleeping in. I made lunch for Arielle and myself while Kayla was helping at Blackburn. A trip to the mall ended the day where I convinced my sister to buy an adorable shirt. A girl as beautiful as her really should wear something other than a band shirt every day! It's not the activity that made this day great, not the pearl studded scoop necked purchase from Charlotte Russe. The fact that I got to spend it with two of the earth's finest citizens is so amazing to me. Arielle Goralski has my heart. She has seen more of me than any one else, save my family and my best friend Sarah who braved the trip to Levine Children's after my femur resection surgery. Brave girl! I was completely out of it! All I have to remember her trip is what my mom told me and the bear she brought me that sits on my shelf, a lovely reminder of how special she is.
Arielle is this amazing mix of funny and sweet, beautiful and completely messy. She is the only person outside of my family that ever went with us to a chemo treatment. She could not have picked a worse day either! So so so so so sick, running from the infusion room to the x-ray lab trying to figure out why I was having so much pain. Here, my ortho surgeon shoved an x-ray under her nose and explained, at lenght, what my surgery was exactly. Gotta love surgeons! What does this girl do? Vomit and run away? No, she smiles at exactly the right times, sheds just one tear when I am falling apart later that day. Arielle has been this amazing blessing in our lives. She was there for Kayla when she was struggling with a sister with cancer. And for that, I will always be grateful. I always worried that Kayla was not getting to have the senior year she deserved. But, Arielle kept that beautiful smile on her face.
We love you Arielle! Thanks for everything! You make life a thousand times sunnier!
With Love,
Sarah

In the Face of a Stranger

I have always known cancer happened to me for a reason. I have always been sure that God is using me for His purpose. And today He was gracious enough to pull back the curtain and give me a glimpse of what is possible now that my journey with cancer is through and my new life has begun.
My mom and I went to the Nail Studio to get pedicures before leaving on our trip to New York City with the band. As I sat under the dryer, the girl across from me asked when I finishd my treatments. I took a split second to rack my brain and try to remember if I knew this person before. She was a pretty girl with blonde hair, and I knew she was a criminal justice major from hearing her talk to the girl doing her nails. I quickly replied that I finished treatmetns a year ago this month. She told me I did a great job with my wig, asking if it was from Locks of Love. "No, it's synthetic and from Chic Wigs." She told me it looks very nice. I smiled and said thank you, a little surprised at her assumed knowledge of my story. Maybe the foot long scar reaching from my knee to my hip gave it away, peering out from underneath my black mesh shorts. She asked what kind of cancer I had, recieving a reply of Osteosarcoma, pediatric bone cancer. Seconds later, she told me she recently lost her dad to thyroid cancer. "You must be so brave. I saw how tough my dad had to be and I can't imagine what it was like for you. And your mom." My heart broke for her as I told her I would keep her family in my prayers and tried to convey in words the intense compassion I felt for her. As she left, she told me to stay strong and keep fighting. I replied with an "It was so good meeting you. Your family will be in my thoughts."
If I could go back to that moment, I would say so much more. I would ask her name and where she lives. I would tell her that I will fight every day of my life for people like her dad. I may never see her again, but will always remember her as the first stranger I've really connected with over our similar struggles. I hope that her meeting me and intuitively knowing what I had been through was a blessing for her. I know she must have felt a twinge of sorrow, wishing her dad could have done as well as I have. I felt that same sadness. I was reminded today of how blessed I am and the unique gift that has been given to me. Maybe cancer isn't so bad after all. Maybe cancer is just a blessing wearing a really ugly costume, a ridiculous hat or a pair of tube socks that peer out from under it's acid wash jeans. Tonight, I am grateful for the suffering and knowledge. I am grateful that today I got to share someone's heartbreak and hopefully bring a semblence of hope back into their life. A much needed reminder that God has something more in store for me. All this revealed to me in the face of a stranger.

I'm Still Here

Hey bloggers! Long time, no see! Life is crazy hectic as always. The rare free moments that I have are spent either eating or sleeping. And these lovely moments are few and far in between. But, life is beautiful and I am reminded every day. A longer update is soon to come. I have been given an awesome opportunity to be the example in my cousin Jimmy's up coming sermon. He asked me to write a piece on these past three years. When I finish it, I will post it on here. Hope you are getting ready for a great week. Take a second every night to reflect. And please please please don't forget to count your blessings. Until later.....

With Love,
Sarah

The Gift of Life

The Red Cross was at our school today taking donations. I watched as my classmates, one by one, left class and went out to the trailers. They came back a few minutes later, some looking white and flushed, some looking just as they did before. To some this is just a compensatory or kind act, others just a few sweet minutes out of class. But, to me this is a beautiful thing. This is my life. Some people don't realize just how important it is. It is rare for a cancer patient to escape treatment without some sort of transfusion, whether it be blood or platelets. It is so important for these kids. It is often the reason we are able to make it through the harsh chemotherapy. I know from experience how it feels to have low hemoglobin. Fatigue, shortness of breath, headaches, paleness. You name it, I felt it. A blood transfusion is a beautiful thing. It is excrutiatingly long process, depending on how many units you get. It usually takes four to six hours to infuse, not including hydration and pre medication. The positive thing is that your energy is almost instantly returned and you can literally watch the color return to your face. It's the best energy drink you will ever have. I am writing this because if I can help even just one person realize how important it is to donate, I will feel I have done my job.
Being on the recieving end of a blood product is an incredibly humbling experience. I do not belong to just myself anymore. A small part of me belongs to every person who has ever given a pint of blood. A huge part of me belongs to the people who so selflessly donated and whose blood now coarses through my veins every day. I will never know whose blood I recieved. Life is not racist or sexist, it doesn't care about intellectual levels or social statuses. I can only be thankful for the kindness of complete strangers who will never know how much their gift of life means to kids like me. I can only live this life that they have played a part in saving to make a difference, to raise awareness, and to be someone's miracle like they have been to me.

Celebrate Love

It's February 13th, which means tomorrow's February 14th, which makes it Valentine's Day! Now, overall public opinion of this holiday is not good. Most people feel like it's a holiday created by Hallmark to sell more greeting cards and that jewelry stores and florists enjoy taking our money at this time each year. I feel very differently. You don't have to buy a diamond ring, or a dozen red roses, or a Hallmark greeting card to celebrate Valentine's Day. You just have to celebrate love. Hug your best friend or tell your mom how much she means. Smile at someone in the hallway at school or ask someone how their day is going. And no, you don't have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend to go out to dinner with. Go with your sister, or neighbor. Go to the movies with your best friend. Don't sit at home feeling sorry for your single relationship status or complain that you're never going to get married. It will happen when it's meant to happen. And, when you meet that special person every Valentine's Day will be an opportunity to remind them how special they are, how you dreamed of the years that you could celebrate February 14th with them from that time forward. Make it count because another February 14th is never guaranteed. Let this day remind you to tell the people you love that you love them. Whatever your circumstance may be, celebrate love!

"You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs
But look around me and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that?

Love doesn't come in a minute, sometimes it doesn't come at all
I only know that when I'm in it, it isn't silly at all"

Not Enough Hours

Ever feel like there aren't enough hours in the day? I get home at 3:30 and start automatically on my homework. Maybe if I get it done early, I can have some "me" time tonight. Maybe if I go ahead and study now, I can chill later. It's now 9:00 at night and I am just now winding down. Homework, check. Dinner, check. Shower, check. Okay, time to breathe. I'm sitting in my living room, watching Cake Boss with my mom (craving a piece of chocolate cake the size of a freaking continent) and I am wondering how we can slow down time, or create more. What's the magic in the number twenty-four? Why not twenty-nine or thirty-three? I think God thought this through. I think he decided that twenty-four hours was the perfect amount of time. Just enough time to laugh a little and smile a lot. Just enough time to comfort a neighbor that is going through the unthinkable. Just enough time to cry a tear of compassion for someone and then take that energy and turn it into something positive. Just enough time to sleep and get ready to do it again. I think twenty-four hours is just enough.